Nowadays

Instead of racing to turn off the alarm clock at the opposite corner of my room, I wake up to silence, rested. 

I play the "Soul Coffee" playlist on shuffle. There's no order, and I find peace in that for some reason. The R&B I loved as a child flows through my speakers as I go about my day. Sometimes I dance with an imaginary partner, or sing with the confidence most people only find in their showers. 

You may roll your eyes, but this next part is so crazy to me: I read now. I spend hours curled into soft armchairs, reading actual hardcover books that I've neglected for months or years with nothing but a lamp and a glass of almond milk for company. I have time for that. Never in my wildest undergraduate dreams did I imagine this would be possible again. I keep recalling my years before high school when I could spend entire days devouring piles of books from local and school libraries. My parents didn't call me Reader Rabbit for nothing.

I don't remember the last time I touched a Little Debbie snack cake, an Oreo, or soda. Maybe it was final exams, maybe even before that. Currently I'm snacking on all of my favorite fruits and learning to love my vegetables again. I'm enjoying my food now and I'm not using it to cope with things. Ginger tea is lit.

So much of my time used to be spent worrying about where I was going next. I approached each new school year with some fear about how I'd do in my classes. My biggest concerns for my year in Chicago are having enough sweaters and making time to see the sights and take a lot of pictures. I'm bound to be successful because I'm doing what I love, so my only task is to squeeze in time for fun.  

Life is good, really good.